What a Week (5/23/2007)

Hello to All,

It was a great birthday week. Ann's mom arrived on the 8th to stay with the kids while we were in Houston. My mom came down on the 15th to help celebrate Ann's significant birthday on the 17th. Diane, our friend from Australia, also flew in for a few days on her way back to Iowa. Ann's brother and sister-in-law surprised her with a quick visit for the weekend. We capped the celebratory week with a surprise party Sunday evening beautifully executed by Laurie and Joan. Our moms and Diane left on Monday. All the emails and calls, cards and gifts were a great encouragement to Ann. Thanks to everyone for making it a memorable week.

It was also a tough week. Fear and grief peppered the festivities. Staring at an indefinite new regimen of chemo was overwhelming at times. Ann starts tomorrow afternoon with one type of chemo and will receive two types next Thursday. The cycle repeats every 21 days. We return to Houston every two cycles to see if the chemo is effective at keeping Ann afloat. Staring into an uncertain future makes faith and hope elusive.

The week also had a scary test. On the way home from Houston on the 11th, we received a call from Ann's mom reporting that Matt had whacked his eye with a rubber band bracelet at school. Lois and Paul took Matt to the family doctor and we arrived back in Dallas in time to meet them there. After a brief examination the doctor sternly told me to take Matt to the emergency room to see an ophthalmologist. His iris was half full of blood. The thirty-minute drive to the hospital was a tough two-fold test. First, I needed to stay calm because Matt wasn't. Second, I needed to decide if I would still worship God if he allowed Matt to loose his eye, especially since we had just learned that Ann's cancer was growing again. I decided that I would and God decided that he wouldn't.

Hebrews 12:7, 10-11:
Endure your suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons.
For what son is there that a father does not discipline?

For they disciplined us for a little while as seemed good to them,
but he does so for our benefit, that we may share his holiness.
Now all discipline seems painful at the time, not joyful.
But later it produces the fruit of peace and righteousness for those trained by it.

Prayer Requests:

• That Ann would tolerate this regimen of chemo with minimal side effects and that the cancer would stop growing.
• That Ann would retain a measure of faith and hope, even when she feels crummy.
• That God would heal Ann in his way and time so that Matt's children would know their grandma's love and faith.
  

Even though we haven't responded to many emails of late, we greatly appreciate your notes, whether long or short.

Thanks for caring and praying.

Love,
Howard & Ann

The Answer is "No" (5/12/2007)

Hello to All,

We met our oncologist yesterday noon in Houston. Unfortunately, the news was not as good as we had hoped. The cancer had started to grow again in the Ann's liver. The existing lesions had increased in size. Numerous new lesions also appeared in her liver.

This news is completely disheartening and overwhelming, but not unexpected. Chemo doesn't kill angiosarcoma. In fact the doctor was encouraged that Ann's break was as long as it was. She was also encouraged that the cancer had not spread to other organs and that the tumors in her bones remained unchanged. Things could have been much worse.

We will meet with an oncologist in Dallas on Tuesday and hope to start chemo on Monday, May 21st. This new regimen will consist of a three week cycle administered in Dallas. The first Monday will be one type of chemo, the second Monday two types, and the third will just consist of blood work. After two cycles we return to Houston for tests to see if it is working, if it is keeping the cancer at bay. There is no limit set for the number of cycles for this regimen.

We specifically prayed that God would give Ann another break for Mother's Day. He said no.

• Does this mean that God doesn't answer prayer? No.
• Does this mean that God has abandoned us? No.
• Does this mean that God won't answer our ultimate prayer for healing? No.
• Does this mean we should quit praying? No.
  

Ten years ago in April Ann and I took a random business trip to Dallas. By the end of July we had migrated here to attend Dallas Theological Seminary. We never had a guarantee that we would make it, but we knew that God wanted us to try. It was rather foolish - with a wife and four kids - to sell our house in Iowa, buy a house in Dallas, quit my job in Des Moines, move to Dallas, and receive a job offer in Oklahoma on the way down. Yet, God honored our foolishness for his sake and made it all work. I graduated a year ago today.

I have no guarantee that God will choose to heal Ann, but I know he wants me to pray to that end. It's rather foolish to believe that God will heal incurable cancer; he doesn't do that any more. Prayerfully, he will honor our foolishness.

Prayer Promises:

• Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. [Luke 18:1]
• If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. [John 15:7]
• Is anyone among you ill? He should summon the elders of the church, and they should pray for him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick and the Lord will raise him up. [James 5:14-15a]

Prayer Requests:

• That a spot will open up in Dallas for Ann to start treatments on the 21st. Currently, they are booked.
• That God will strengthen Ann's heart, mind, and body to face chemo after such a nice break. She's having a tough time.
• That God will heal Ann in his time and in his way so that our grandkids can know Ann's faith and love. This remains our ultimate prayer.
  

Thank you for praying and caring for us.

Love,
Howard & Ann

A Bear and a Lion (5/5/2007)

Hello to All,

The last five weeks have seemed fairly normal and that is great. Cancer is still a big part of our lives, but it hasn’t been as oppressively big as it was over the last nine months.

Ann and I went to the Dallas Arboretum last Friday, something we had wanted to do for about a year and a half. We enjoyed marveling at God’s creative beauty and just hanging out. We talked about prayer and faith, suffering and healing. We talked about daily life and the kids, work and the future. We hadn’t had a “normal” afternoon together – one that didn’t include chemo or a doctor – in a long time. We even topped off our big afternoon with a visit to Sam’s Club.

We head back to Houston this Wednesday (5/9) for tests and will meet with the oncologist on Friday (5/11). We are both cautiously optimistic that the cancer will still be stable and that the break from chemo will continue.

What is the basis for our confidence? God has delivered us in the past, especially in response to heart-felt and persistent prayer. George Guthrie, in his commentary on Hebrews write, “Yet in the biblical literature, faith suggests a firm trust place in God, who has shown himself faithful in his dealings with his people.”

Here is our Big 12 list:

12. His provision of financial support for six years while Ann served with Campus Crusade for Christ.
11. His provision of financial support for Howard’s summer mission project in Japan.
10. His gift of a husband for Ann by her 28th birthday. (I may not be God’s gift to women, but I am His gift to Ann.)
9. His gift of Hannah (1 Samuel 1) and Matt (“gift of God”) after three miscarriages.
8. Moving to Perry, Iowa to be involved with the youth group of our church.
7. Moving to Texas to attend Dallas Theological Seminary.
6. Sustaining our family when I was unemployed and underemployed for nine months following 9/11. (Ann and I were without health insurance for about a year.)
5. Sustaining our family and keeping us intact after eight and a half years of seminary.
4. Allowing my heart attack to occur after graduation but prior to Ann’s diagnosis of cancer.
3. Motivating a friend of a friend (now our hosts in Houston) to rattle folks at M.D. Anderson to move our initial appointment up 19 days.
2. Sustaining Ann through eight rounds of aggressive chemotherapy.
1. Sustaining our faith and hope through this last year.


1 Samuel 17:34-37:
But David said to Saul, "Your servant has been keeping his father's sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."

Prayer Requests:

• That God will fill us with his peace (Isaiah 26:3) as we wait for the test results next Friday.
• That God would give Ann another break from chemo for Mother's Day.
• That God would heal Ann so that her grandkids can know her love, character, and faith.
  

Thank you for your continued prayers. We really wouldn’t be here today without the prayers of our family and friends.

Love,
Howard & Ann