Why won't you pray for my healing? (9/21/2007)

Hello to All,

On the one hand life seems kind of "normal" now. Ann went to Matt's football game, Drew's soccer game and Hannah's volleyball game this last week. She spent a good part of last Saturday shopping with Hannah. She cooked a few meals and did the grocery shopping. As the oncologist recently remarked, "Boring is good."

On the other hand the cancer still has its grip on Ann's liver. Toxic chemicals are dripped into her veins twice every three weeks. Ann's body was unable to sufficiently recover from Round 5 so she required a transfusion. The additional activities cause increased fatigue. Despair and hopelessness rule some days.

On other days Ann has a measure of rest and hope. A big factor is encouragement from the Word of God. Ann and I are working through a study on God's attributes. Ann, Laurie, Joan recently started Beth Moore's Believing God: Experiencing a Fresh Explosion of Faith. This incredible study has confirmed many of the things that we have learned this last year. I've been analyzing James 5:13-20, a significant passage on healing.

It seems that this journey of ours is best described as a paradox.


"Why Won't You Pray for My Healing?"
When the oncologist reported the preliminary diagnosis after Ann's surgery last year, I think the news sent Ann into some kind of shock. She didn't show any emotion at all for several days. What does a man say to his wife who just learned that she has aggressive, incurable cancer? With nowhere else to turn, I turned to the Psalms. I began with Psalm 1 and just read out loud while Ann silently lay in her hospital bed with her eyes closed.

We continued the practice after returning home from the hospital. I would read Psalms to her each evening and pray for her strength, grace, and endurance. After a week or so, Ann pierced me with the question, "Why won't you pray for my healing?"

I don't remember exactly how I responded that time, or the several subsequent times that Ann asked me to pray for physical healing. Basically, I was rightly committed to not promising something to Ann – or to the kids – that I didn't think would happen.

Looking back I've identified the following barriers to my willingness to pray for Ann's physical healing.

Experiential Barriers:

• Life is tough. When I was laid off after 9/11 and had to drop out of seminary for a semester, I experienced the truth that Christians are not exempt from hardships.
• Endurance takes great faith. While I was fruitlessly searching for work, I learned firsthand the difficulty of trusting God when he seemed absent. The primary question I wrestled with was, "Is God really good?"
• God uses suffering. The conference speakers that I respected the most were those who had endured incredible suffering.
• God heals naturally. If a person recovers from a disease, God generally uses doctors and medicine to bring about deliverance.
• Godly people die. C.S. Lewis' wife, Keith Wilhite (my preaching professor), Matt's kindergarten teacher and my Grandma all died "prematurely" of cancer.
• Presumption is ludicrous. I refuse to be so arrogant to think that we are more righteousness or have more faith than godly people who have suffered and died before us.

For the record – I still hold to each one of these "barriers." Each accurately reflects the experiences of life in a fallen world.

Theological barriers:

• Miracles were different then. The healing miracles performed by Jesus and the apostles were instantaneous (except Mark 8:23-25) and always effective (except Matt 17:14-20), even in the hardest cases. Therefore, God only rarely intervenes miraculously now, especially in developed nations.
• God is honored through suffering. Therefore, we should only pray for endurance in trials – not deliverance from them.
• We must accept God's will. To live is Christ and to die is gain. Therefore, we should assume that it's God's will for a person with aggressive, incurable cancer to die. I must prepare myself for Ann's imminent death.
• God is sovereign and knows the future in advance. Therefore, his will is set and we pray only to grow in our relationship with him. Prayer changes us; it doesn't really impact the circumstances of life.
• The Word was written to specific historical audiences. We must understand both the biblical culture and ours before making application. Therefore, we cannot claim passages on prayer, deliverance or physical healing as promises from God for us today.

Each of the theological barriers listed above contain two elements. The first is the basic assumption and is identified prior to the "therefore" statement. The second element is the conclusion that I derived from that basic assumption. It is described in the "therefore" statement and is italicized.

For the record – I still believe each basic assumption. Each accurately reflects the biblical data.

However, I have reevaluated and rejected each of my conclusions. Although each may accurately reflect the experience of life, each is erroneous with regard to the biblical data.

This last year has been a journey in evaluating my experience in light of biblical data, rather than evaluating the Bible in light of my experience.

Prayer Requests:

• That the "Mack Truck" side effect would again pass Ann by this coming week. Her next chemo treatment is Tuesday.
• That we would find hope and rest in the character of God as we study his Word in the coming weeks.
• That God would physically heal Ann so that she can teach our kids and grandkids that "there is nothing our God cannot do."
• That God would demonstrate the reality of the resurrection from the dead by delivering Ann from the grip of death.
  

James 5:14-16:
Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up.


Thanks for praying and caring.

Love,
Howard & Ann

God is Mystery (9/3/2007)

I believe that God is. The arrangement of the constellations, the continuity of the sunrise, the majesty of the mountains, the roar of the ocean waves, the uniqueness of each animal species, the complexity of a human cell, the creativity of man, the love of husband and wife, and the miracle of birth – all loudly declare that an intelligent being created it all. God has provided amble evidence that he exists. To draw another conclusion is inexcusable.

I believe that God is mystery. He is incomprehensible, inexplicable, inconceivable, unfathomable, profound, and perplexing. Anything less and he would cease to be God. As God, He shrouds himself in secrecy and his thoughts and deeds are beyond the capacity of my finite mind. Attempts to describe God will fall infinitely short of its intended mark.

Nevertheless, I believe that God is one who reveals himself to man. A mystery. Through the testimony of general revelation and especially the Bible, we can sufficiently, though not exhaustively, know of God.

I believe that God is the only true God. He is Elohim, the most high and powerful God. He is Adonai, my Lord and the Lord par excellence. He is YHWH, the God who is self-existent and enters into covenant with creation and Israel. He is the Most High God, God Almighty, the Lord of the Heavenly Armies, the Holy One, the Ancient of Days, the Judge of All the Earth, the Sovereign Lord, and the Almighty.

I believe that God is a personal being, who intimately relates to his creation. He is not an inanimate force; he is not a disinterested, uninvolved creator; he is not the cosmic force behind evolution. He is my Shepherd, my Rock, the One Who Will Provide, and the One Who Sees.

I believe that God is without need. God does not depend on anything; rather everything depends on Him. God lacks nothing in himself. Nevertheless, he chose to create the universe – not to fulfill a need, but as a loving, self-giving act. A mystery. He is perfectly complete without man; I am entirely empty without him. God is not bound by anything outside himself. He can freely do all that he desires.

I believe God is perfect. God's perfect nature is the measure of all that is pure, correct, and good. God's perfect nature does not change. God's perfect nature is completely fulfilled within himself. His internal well-being is not affected by his creation or mankind. Nevertheless, he condescends, choosing to participate with us in relationship, in which he displays emotions consistent with His nature. A mystery.

I believe God is infinite. God is unlimited and without constraints, both in his nature and in what he can do. God is unlimited in knowledge, comprehensively knowing the past, present, and future. God is unlimited in power. God is not constrained by space. He is absolutely distinct and separate from creation. God is not everything, nor is everything God. Nevertheless, he is present everywhere within creation, yet not confused with it. A mystery. God is not constrained by time. He is without beginning or end. He is outside of time. Nevertheless, he graciously acts in time to relate to His creation. A mystery.

I believe that God is unity. God is not composed of parts, nor are contradictions found in His nature. God is the only God, and God is only one. There is one infinite God, one divine being, one creator of all.

Nevertheless, I believe that God is tri-unity, or Trinity. A mystery. The one God eternally exists as three persons – the Father, His Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. Nevertheless, there is one God. A mystery. God disclosed Himself in the Old Testament as having mysterious unity and diversity in his own being and expression. God's self-disclosure is completed in the New Testament. The Divine unity remains – God is one. The Divine diversity is unpacked – God is three distinct persons. The Father is not the Son; the Son is not the Father. The Spirit is not the Son; the Spirit is not the Father. Nevertheless, God is one. A mystery. The Three are each completely and truly God. The Three are each personal, without need, perfect, infinite, and unity. The Divine cannot be divided; the Three cannot be confused.

I believe that the Father is wholly God. He, through the Son and Spirit, is the creator of all things – whether in heaven or on earth. He is the Sovereign Ruler, the King of the Universe. He is the Holy Judge. He is the One who graciously reconciles, sending his only Son as the appeasing sacrifice. He is the One to whom all things will return at the consummation of history.

I believe that the Son, Jesus Christ, is wholly God. The Son is the creator of all things; he is the sustainer of all things. The Son always existed with God, is present everywhere, knows all things, is unlimited in power, and never changes. The Son is the Only Begotten God, God with Us, the King of Kings, the Alpha and Omega. Jesus Christ claimed to be God. He forgave sins; his miracles validated his claims. Jesus Christ freely accepted worship.

Nevertheless, I believe that the Son, Jesus Christ, is wholly man. A mystery. The Eternal Son was conceived by the Holy Spirit in the womb of a young virgin named Mary. A mystery. The divine nature assumed a human nature, yet the two natures remained distinct. In his birth, youth, ministry, and death, he was completely human. Nevertheless, he remained fully God, conscious of his deity, yet not always exercising certain attributes. A mystery.

I believe that Holy Spirit is wholly God. The Holy Spirit is present everywhere, knows all things, and is unlimited in power. The Spirit is a person, not a force, as he has intelligence, volition, and emotions.

I believe that God is mystery.

Can We Trust God? (9/3/2007)

Hello to All,

Ann's blood counts were down when we met with our oncologist in Houston on August 24th. She expected Round 5 to be delayed for at least a few days so that Ann's body could adequately rebound from the previous treatment.

We met with the monitoring hematologist here in Dallas four days later. He informed us that Ann's counts were completely normal. He then quizzed Ann about various side effects. After he learned that Ann hadn't had any fevers, chills, or nausea, he exclaimed, "Well, boring is good."

We continue to be amazed at how God has protected and sustained Ann through a year of chemo. Ann's first treatment began last year on September 7th.


We have wrestled with a number of doubts about God since Ann was diagnosed with incurable cancer on July 28, 2006. Looking back it seems that one or both of us have progressed though these five questions:

1. Why did God allow this? If God really has all power and knows the future, why didn't he prevent the cancer from invading Ann's spleen, liver and bones?
2. What if there is no God? Does God really exist or did we create him to pacify us in difficult times?
3. What good is prayer? Does prayer really make a difference? Why are so many prayers unanswered?
4. What if God's Word is not true? Can we trust promises for eternal life if we don't experience promises for answered prayer or physical deliverance? Does God really keep his promises?
5. Who is God? Is he really good? Can I trust him?

Answering one question often opened the door to the next. I've shared some thoughts on the first four questions in previous emails. I thought that I had dealt with the fifth one when I was laid off after 9/11. I questioned God's goodness as I looked for work in a depressed economy and had to drop out of seminary. I remember being unable to sing worship choruses in church one Sunday morning because the words seemed so untrue. Eventually, however, I concluded that God was good in spite of my painful circumstances.

It seems that my conclusion was not as firm as I had thought. By questioning if God really keeps his promises, I was really asking a more fundamental question, "Is God trustworthy?"

One Sunday evening near Houston, my friend Bill gently corrected me by confidently stating – on the basis of God's character – that God would never deceive me. One morning next to the Big Thompson River in Estes Park, the Lord's reprimand to Job reprimanded me:

Job 40:7-8:
"Brace yourself like a man.
I will question you, and you shall answer me.
Would you discredit my justice?
Would you condemn me to justify yourself?"

Like Job, all I could do was repent.

To remind myself of God's character I dusted off a seminary assignment entitled God is Mystery and re-read it several times. I've attached a version (without all the footnotes) with the hope that it will encourage some of you as well.

Ann and I also found the old study Experiencing God's Attributes out in the garage, which she completed before we were married. We plan to work through this together over the coming months to remind us of who God is.

Prayer Requests:

• That the "Mack Truck" side effect would again pass Ann by this week.
• That we would find rest in the character of God as we study his attributes in the coming weeks.
• That God would physically heal Ann in his time and way so that our grandkids will know her love and faith.
• That God would demonstrate the reality of the resurrection from the dead by delivering Ann from the grip of death.
  

Thanks for praying and caring.

Love,
Howard & Ann