A Seaworthy Lifeboat (10/15/2007)

Hello to All,

Dr. Steinert energetically walked into our room Friday morning and announced, "The cancer is still stable!" After a hug and a greeting for each of us, she explained the situation further.

For each of the last several cycles, the radiologist that reviewed Ann's scans concluded that the cancer had progressed (grown) slightly. However, each time Dr. Steinert informed us that she wasn't concerned because the growth was very minimal. She also wasn't sure that she agreed with the conclusion of the radiologist.

This time Dr. Steinert presented Ann's case to a group of oncologists at some sort of symposium in order to confirm her interpretation of the scans. They unanimously agreed that there was no progression of the cancer after all. The slight "growth" in the tumors was actually because the tumors had died. A dead tumor darkens in color and therefore is more visible on the scans. Apparently, there is also some sort of scar tissue that develops around the tumor that also causes it to appear slightly larger.

Dr. Steinert also confirmed that Ann's liver "couldn't be functioning more normally."

What Does this Mean?
First and most importantly, it means that this second chemo regimen has proven to be a seaworthy lifeboat. It is effectively keeping the cancer from engulfing Ann's liver. The significance is that there is not an "imminent disaster" looming before us.

Second, it means that it is safe to tweak the regimen. Ann has been receiving one type of chemo on Day 1 and two types on Day 8. Dr. Steinert recommended eliminating the second chemo on Day 8 for two next cycles to see what happens. If the cancer remains stable, then she will continue with this new lighter regimen. She also may transition to a 28-day cycle rather than the current 21-day. Her goal is to give Ann as little chemo as possible, yet continue to keep the cancer from growing. The significance is that a reduction in chemo should lead to a reduction in side effects and a more "normal" life.

Third, it means this lifeboat should float for an extended period of time. Our doctor previously mentioned a patient who had completed 57 rounds. Ann starts Round 7 of this regimen tomorrow morning. The significance of this cannot be overstated. According to at least one website, Ann has already more than doubled her life expectancy after these fourteen months. God has graciously answered our prayers and extended Ann's life. I firmly believe that Ann would be in heaven now if not for our family and friends who have fervently pleaded with our Father for Ann's life.

What Does this Not Mean?
Ann is not out of the sea. Her new lifeboat is not designed to take her to shore. Medically speaking, nothing can. The significance is twofold. First, we are not trusting in our excellent doctor, the chemo regimen, or in Ann's fortitude. God is our only hope. Second, the need for prayer remains unchanged.

Prayer Requests:

• Thank God for providing a seaworthy lifeboat and for graciously granting Ann life these last fourteen months.
• That our family's relationships would be characterized by patience and forgiveness, rather than arguing and anger.
• That God would physically heal Ann so that she can teach our kids and grandkids that "there is nothing our God cannot do."
• That God would demonstrate the reality of the resurrection from the dead by delivering Ann from the grip of death.

2 Corinthians 1:8b-11
We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.


Thanks for praying and caring.

Love,
Howard & Ann

Confessions of a Skeptic (10/9/2007)

Hello to All,

We continue our trek in the valley between suffering and healing. The journey is a paradox of normalcy and reality, sacrifice and selfishness, faith and fear, hope and despair, endurance and fatigue, expectation and resignation.

Life seemed pretty normal last Monday when we ate corn dogs and funnel cakes at the Texas State Fair and when we fled the city on Saturday to hang out at a nearby state park with several families from church. Reality hits every morning when Ann puts on her wig or as her eyebrows continue to thin.

I was struck by the depth of my own selfishness over the weekend, getting angry about little things with both the kids and Ann, rather than "keeping no record of wrongs." I could excuse myself, assuming that it arose from stress or fatigue, but the bottom line is that there is a lot of sewer in my heart that still needs redeemed (Matt. 15:17-18).

On several occasions recently – usually after some time in the Word – Ann has expressed a measure of confidence that God would physically heal her. She is accepting Beth Moore's challenge to "Believe that God can do what he says he can do." On other occasions – like this morning – Ann lies on the floor weeping, overcome by fear and hopelessness. She identifies with Beth Moore's quotation of a fellow traveler, "It was just too exhausting to maintain a spirit of expectation."

We will leave for Houston after work on Wednesday. The scans are Thursday morning and we will meet with the doctor on Friday. Will our "lull" continue or will it come to a screeching halt?

Confessions of a Skeptic:
Duane Miller's dramatic and instantaneous healing occurred while he was teaching a Sunday School class and it was providentially recorded on tape. He recounts his story in the book Out Of the Silence. On the back cover his pastor, the senior pastor from Houston's First Baptist Church, testified, "Every syllable you will read and hear in this book is true. I was there when it happened."

Why was such a testimony necessary on a book cover? Is it because the excesses of "faith healers" have caused many of us to be skeptical of all healings? Is it because our theology has constricted God to a box smaller than appropriate? I know that I had an easier time believing Duane Miller's story because of his pastor's assurances.

The following two episodes from Richard Foster's Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home were a tremendous encouragement to me as I wrestled with the validity of healing for today.

St. Augustine:
St. Augustine "doubted the validity of Healing Prayer, stating in his early writings that Christians should not look for the continuation of the healing gift." In 424 A.D. a brother and sister were miraculously healed in Augustine's church at the beginning of a couple of worship services. He was convinced that these healings were genuine and proceeded to set up a process for recording and authenticating miracles. Nearly seventy healing miracles were attested in the two years that followed.

Richard Foster:
Foster chronicles in how own life how his "prejudices against physical healing begin to crumble." He was working in a counseling center and was convicted that his success with patients "was completely explainable by human techniques of psychological manipulation." The experience that challenged him was when he prayed for a World War II veteran who had suffered from fear and bitterness for 28 years. After that prayer, the vet slept peacefully for the first time in decades and was "totally and instantaneously healed" from the hate and sorrow that had imprisoned him.

Other authors, who journeyed from skepticism, are Beth Moore (Believing God), Michael L. Brown (Israel's Divine Healer), James L. Garlow (God Still Heals), and Michael S. Barry (A Reason for Hope).

There are at least two dangers of holding too tightly to a theological system. First, no system accounts for all the biblical data. Second, the trickle down effect from scholar to lay person is often ineffective. For me, the practical outcome of a holding a theology that asserts "some gifts of the Holy Spirit such as … miraculous healings were temporary" was that I no longer really believed in healing miracles at all. My first response when hearing that someone was "healed" was skepticism. In theory I believed that God could heal; in reality I doubted that he ever would. Specifically, I was convinced that he had no intention of healing Ann.

Psalm 30:1-3:
I will exalt you,
O LORD, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.
O LORD, you brought me up from the grave; you spared me from going down into the pit.

Prayer Requests:

• That we would have the necessary courage to return to Houston for the scans and the doctor's appointment. The reality of our situation often overwhelms us as we walk through the doors of M.D. Anderson.
• That our family's relationships would be characterized by patience and forgiveness, rather than arguing and anger.
• That God would physically heal Ann so that she can teach our kids and grandkids that "there is nothing our God cannot do."
• That God would demonstrate the reality of the resurrection from the dead by delivering Ann from the grip of death.
  

Thanks for praying and caring.

Love,
Howard & Ann


PS. If you know of anyone who needs encouragement to persevere, then feel free to point them my sermon "I Quit" at the following link: http://www.nhbc.net/previous-sermons.php. The date of the sermon was August 12, 2007. You can listen to the sermon via Real Player or iTunes.