Happy New Year to All,
I apologize for not sending out an update shortly after our last trip to Houston at the end of November. The news was a bit discouraging and I needed some time to process. Three trips to Abilene for work and a trip to Arkansas to see Paul cut into my available time and energy. Quite frankly, I just didn't feel like I had anything to say.
I knew something was up when Dr. Steinert began the appointment by quizzing Ann about how she felt over the last two rounds. Apparently, she was attempting to assess the improvement in Ann's "quality of life" in light of eliminating the Taxotere from the regimen. She then informed us that some of the tumors had grown slightly, perhaps a millimeter or two. Her recommendation was to stay the course with only the Gemcitamine, but increase the dosage from 675 units to 800 units. Hopefully, that will bring a return to stability.
Questions often surface after the conclusion of an appointment, especially as we make phone calls on the return trip to Dallas. "Was the previous assessment – that the tumors were dead – incorrect? Have the tumors been growing slightly all along or did the elimination of the Taxotere rejuvenate the tumors, enabling them to grow again?" I will ask those questions in a couple of weeks when return to Houston for tests.
The family time over Christmas and New Year's seemed very normal. We groaned as the Cowboys lost another December game and we rented several movies with some friends. Ann shopped for Christmas presents and Matt woke us up on Christmas morning. Ann cooked Christmas dinner, and the kids and I prematurely snarfed the Christmas cookies. We enjoyed dinner at P.F. Chang's and we window shopped at an upscale north Dallas mall. We rang in the New Year with games and friends, and we indulged ourselves with chocolate fondue. We read the Christmas story and we thanked God for granting us life this last year.
Questions often emerge during "normal" times, especially on holidays. "How long will it be normal? Will Ann be here next year for Christmas? Are we naïvely praying for physical healing?" I confess that I found it difficult to fend off those thoughts the last few weeks. Ann starts Round 18 tomorrow morning.
Two Resolutions:
Like many, I've often made New Year's resolutions. I hope to eat less and work out more. I'd like to play more basketball with Matt and I wish I could spend more time studying Hebrew. The list could go on, but it's probably not necessary. Like many, my resolutions are often broken.
This year, however, I do have two resolutions that I will never break. I originally made these about sixteen months ago. Last summer I publicly promised our church family that I would keep them. I am still resolved today.
First, I will continue pray for Ann's physical healing no matter what happens – even if the cancer rages out of control, even if the doctors say hope is gone, even if additional friends die of cancer. I will keep on trusting God to physically deliver Ann from cancer in this life – unless she takes her last breath. I will keep praying. I will never give up.
Second, I will continue to worship and serve God no matter what happens – whether Ann is physically healed and lives to know our grandkids, or whether God allows the cancer to take her life prematurely. I will keep the Christian faith. I will never quit the race marked out for us.
Luke 18:1:
Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.
Hebrews 12:1-2:
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Prayer Requests:
- That God would strengthen us by his Spirit so that we would persevere in faith and hope.
- That the scans on the 15th and 16th would show that the cancer has stopped growing.
- That God would physically heal Ann so that she can teach our kids and grandkids that "there is nothing our God cannot do."
- That God would demonstrate the reality of the resurrection from the dead by delivering Ann from the grip of death.
May you know God's presence and power as you trust him in 2008.
Love,
Howard & Ann
