James & Peter (7/12/2007)

Hello to All,

I’m sitting here with Ann in the Infusion Center at Baylor Hospital as she receives another dose of “medicine.” It’s Day 8 of Round 3, which means that she gets the Taxotere (with the “hit by a truck” side effect) in addition to the regular Gemcitamine. The immediate goal is to survive these effects for the next four or five days. A bit of a break follows as Round 4 won’t start until August 7th, when we return from Colorado.

Ann reported that she seems to have moved past the legitimate question, "What if there is no God?" She has become settled in her confidence that God exists. This battle with cancer has tested and confirmed the validity of her faith. Reading the Bible together each night has certainly been a factor. One question answered; only 3871 to go.

Two of the questions that have plagued us from the beginning are:

Why us?
Why did Ann get incurable cancer? Here are some of our current thoughts.

• Physically, there is no known cause for angiosarcoma of the spleen.
• Theologically, we live in a fallen world. Disease and death are a consequence of man's rebellion against his Creator.
• Spiritually, the cancer could have been caused by her sin or mine. However, we have confessed and repented of all known sin, and then some. None of our mentors or close friends have confronted us with blind spots. Thus, we humbly and tentatively conclude that our sin was not the cause.
• Practically, our response is more important than the cause. We know that we are to learn his Word (Ps. 119:71) and to reflect his holiness (Heb 12:10).
• Ultimately, we just don't know why Ann has cancer.
  

Why not them?
If God still heals in our day, why hasn't he healed more often?

• Why didn't he heal my Grandma Hill who died of cancer when I was six or my Grandma Joslin who died of cancer before I was born?
• Why hasn't he yet healed family members and friends who are struggling with difficult illnesses like MS?
• Why didn't he deliver the three families who lost sons in their twenties to cancer, to war, and to an accident?
• Ultimately, we don't know the answer to this question either.
  

James & Peter:
The story of James and Peter recorded in Acts 12:1-19 provides helpful perspective to these two questions. Herod began persecuting Christians by executing James. He then arrested Peter with a similar malicious intent. However, God intervened and miraculously delivered Peter. Why?

• It wasn't because Peter was more righteous than James. Peter was a bit rough around the edges.
• It wasn't because of Peter's faith. He didn't even know that he was really being delivered until he was well outside the prison.
• It wasn't because of the faith of the prayer warriors. The group thought Rhoda was out of her mind when she exclaimed, "Peter is at the door!"
• Ultimately, we don't know why God chose to deliver Peter from death and James through death. The text doesn't say. By faith we know that, somehow, in his wisdom and love God purposed it this way.
• Ultimately, if Ann is physically healed from this cancer, it will be because of God's grace and plan.

Hebrews 11:35b-39:
Others were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection.
Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison.
They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword.
They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated
--the world was not worthy of them.
They wondered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground.
These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised.

Prayer Requests:

• That the “Mack Truck” would be a bit kinder and gentler this round.
• That the chemo would kill the tumors in Ann’s liver and that the liver itself would return to its normal size.
• That we can persevere in our hope for healing by trusting in God's character and his Word.
• That God would heal Ann in his time and way so that our grandkids will know her faith and love.

Thank you for the encouraging emails and cards. Thanks especially for praying.

Love,
Howard & Ann