Hello to All,
Ann lamented to me last Saturday evening, after our return from Houston the previous afternoon (1/25/08), "It's like we're starting over from the beginning." The questions and the doubts. The hopelessness and the fear. The disappointment and the uncertainty. The anger at God.
In early October a group of oncologists concluded that Ann's tumors looked dead, so our oncologist recommended that we drop the Taxotere to see if Gemcitamine alone would be enough to keep the tumors from growing. The goal was improve Ann's "quality of life" by reducing the side effects of the chemotherapy. At the end of November the scans showed that the tumors were nearly stable, but had grown slightly. The dosage of Gemcitamine was increased accordingly to attempt to halt further growth.
Last Friday our oncologist in Houston authoritatively stated, "It's time to change your chemo." The scans indicated that the tumors in Ann's liver had grown substantially since her last check up. The Gemcitamine alone was obviously ineffective at retarding the growth of the tumors. Sarcoma tumors typically develop a resistance to specific chemotherapy treatments over time. I assume that this is similar to how a strain of bacteria might develop a resistance to antibiotics.
Ann's lifeboat is no longer seaworthy and needs to be replaced. Will we find another lifeboat? If so, how long will it remain seaworthy? How many additional lifeboats are available? Ann has already used up four.
On Thursday Ann started her first treatment of Taxol, a cousin to Taxotere, which was effective at halting the growth of the tumors from May through October. She will receive an infusion every week; there will be no week off like the previous regimen. We will return to Houston at the end of March to see if the Taxol has slowed or stopped the growth.
To add to the discouragement the oncologist here in Dallas informed us that there was a problem with our insurance. It does not cover Taxol treatments for sarcomas. By God's grace the hospital had excess supply and agreed to treat Ann for four weeks. In the meantime we will need to work with the insurance company to authorize treatment. The possible repercussions of this setback are overwhelming.
Three Options:
I see three options for responding to our present discouraging circumstances.
1. Curse God and chuck the faith. Should I follow the example of Job's wife and advise Ann to quit the faith (Job 2:9)? Perhaps God doesn't really exist. Perhaps he's not all-powerful. Perhaps the Bible isn't true.
Or should I follow the example of Peter, who understood there was no other viable option? When asked if he also was going to forsake Jesus, Peter responded, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life" (John 6:68). Why would we abandon our only hope for this life and our guarantee for eternity? I've publicly vowed to never quit the faith and I intend to keep that vow.
2. Accept reality and quit praying for physical healing. The cancer has started to grow again. Does this indicate that God is not planning to heal Ann? It's been over 18 months since the original diagnosis. If God was going to heal Ann, wouldn't he have done so by now? Is God really big enough to deliver Ann from cancer's death-grip? Does he even heal today?
Should I follow the advice of a commentator on James 5:14-16? He wrote, "We do not even pray for the recovery of the sick, when the symptoms make it clear that God's will is otherwise; our prayer then is for a peaceful and painless departure."
I agree with the author that there is a time to pray for a "peaceful and painless departure." I have prayed that prayer for a few people in this last year. However, I strongly object if the determining factor is "symptoms," even if they are hopeless. Is anything too difficult for the Lord (Genesis 18:14)?
- Ten spies, who returned from reconnaissance in Canaan, concluded that taking the land was impossible (Numbers 13:21-33). Joshua and Caleb, confident that God would fight for them, took the land forty years later.
- The army of Saul cowered in fear when taunted by the Philistine warrior. David picked up a few stones, taunted the giant and killed him with his sling, because he knew the battle was the Lord's (1 Samuel 17).
Shouldn't I follow the example of Joshua, Caleb, and David? I don't find any encouragement in the Bible to give up, just because the circumstances are impossible. I've publicly vowed that I would never quit praying for Ann's physical healing; I intend to keep that vow.
3. Accept reality and keep praying for physical healing. Shouldn't I follow Abraham's example? He faced the reality of his situation, that it was physically impossible for Sarah and him to have a child. He had no human basis for hope, yet he still had hope in God. He believed that God could do what he had promised, that he could give life to their dead bodies and raise up descendents too numerous to count (Romans 4:17-25). We all are living proof that God kept his promise.
Shouldn't I follow the example of the persistent widow? She kept pressing the unrighteous judge for justice for she had no other advocate (Luke 18:1-8). Shouldn't I persist in bringing my case to the righteous judge, my Father?
If God has invited me to trust him for physical healing then this is the only response I can have.
Romans 4:19-21:
Without becoming weak in faith he contemplated his own body, now as good as dead since he was about a hundred years old, and the deadness of Sarah's womb; yet, with respect to the promise of God, he did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able also to perform.
Luke 18:1, 7-8:
Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart… Will not God bring about justice for His elect who cry to Him day and night, and will He delay long over them? I tell you that He will bring about justice for them quickly.
Prayer Requests:
- That the insurance company will agree to pay for Taxol treatments.
- That the Taxol will prove to be a seaworthy lifeboat by stopping the growth of the tumors.
- That we can persist in trusting in God's character while we wait for his deliverance.
- That God would physically heal Ann so that she can teach our kids and grandkids that "there is nothing our God cannot do."
- That God would demonstrate the reality of the resurrection from the dead by delivering Ann from the grip of death.
Thanks for praying and caring.
Love,
Howard & Ann
PS. I've added our previous emails to a "blog" website. Please pass this on to others who might be encouraged by our journey. The address is http://www.AnnYJoslin.blogspot.com/.
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