The Stability of Our Faith (1/20/2007)

Hello to All,

Our doctor walked in to the exam room and cheerfully announced, “The scans are fine. The cancer is stable.” Her emotions and words seemed a bit contradictory, especially since we expected continued shrinkage of the tumors and were quietly hoping for “no sign of disease.”

However, she explained that angiosarcoma tumors are often initially very responsive to chemo, but then begin to stabilize. She assured us that stable is good. In fact it is difficult to tell via the scans if the cancer is dormant or dead.

This is the picture that I came away with. Ann’s liver is like a Weber grill and the tumors are charcoal briquettes. The scans show that the briquettes are about the same size as they were six weeks ago. Unfortunately, the scans can’t tell us if the briquettes are still smoldering, or if they have gone out. Only time will tell. If the tumors begin to grow after taking a break from chemo, then we’ll know that the briquettes were still on fire. To be honest we would rather walk by sight.

Popping The Question:
When we first learned that Ann had angiosarcoma, I asked the doctor in Dallas about her prognosis. He stated that it was too early to tell. Life expectancy would depend on the aggressive nature of her cancer and its responsiveness to the chemo. The worst case – aggressive and unresponsive – might mean a year.

We had intentionally chosen not to discuss that topic with our doctor in Houston, but the subject came up Friday as we asked questions like, “What chemo would be used for the next regimen?” and “How long can a person be on chemo?” We were encouraged and relieved when Dr. Steinert assured us that we were not in that worst case scenario. Medically speaking, there is no reason to expect that Ann would miss Hannah’s next birthday.

Do we put our trust in the doctor or the chemo? No. Does this bit of encouragement help us to walk by faith? Absolutely.

Our Rock:
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

Matthew 7:24-25:
Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.

Prayer Requests:

• That God would continue to enable Ann to tolerate the chemo for rounds 7 & 8.
• That God would fill us with hope in his character and deliverance as we put his Word into practice.
• That God would heal Ann in his time and way so that she can know our grandkids.

Thank you for your continued prayer and concern,
Howard & Ann

Tough Questions (1/18/2007)

Hello to All,

Physically, Ann's recovery from Round 6 continued to go remarkably well. She had the pep to cheer at some of Matt's and Hannah's basketball games. She traveled with me to Arkansas to deliver Paul to John Brown University for his first semester. She didn't even require a blood or platelet transfusion this time. Perhaps the extra week of recovery at Christmas refreshed her body a bit.

Emotionally, some days can be really tough. Leaving Paul in Arkansas. Leaving Hannah on her birthday to return to Houston for Round 7. The nagging pain in Ann's back and midsection. Not feeling well day after day. The death of young man for whom we had earnestly prayed. Hope is very elusive some days.

Ann has voiced these questions:

• What if there is no God?
• What if the Bible isn't true?
• Will I be here to take the other kids to college?
• Will I be here for Hannah's birthday next year?
  

The first two are valid questions and appropriate to ponder at this point. They have crossed my mind more than once as well. Yet, I was able to confidently guarantee that God is and the Bible's true. That is the one thing we have to cling to. In fact it's all we have. Otherwise, we have no hope and death doesn't matter anyway.

In some ways the second two questions are tougher. I want more than anything to guarantee affirmative answers to Ann. I'm re-examining the Bible, reading books, and pondering circumstances, yet I'm still unable to promise that she will be healed and live to a certain age. In reality none of us have a guarantee beyond today.

I have found that my toughest task is to encourage Ann to cling to hope, without naively promising things outside my control.

Prayer Requests:

• That the God would enable Ann to cling to hope, even when circumstances seem hopeless.
• That the various tests from last night and today would show that the chemo is continuing to kill the cancer. (We will take whatever God gives, but would love it if the cancer was no longer visible.)
• That God would heal Ann in his time and way so that she might know our grandchildren.
  

John 6:66-68:
After this many of his disciples quit following him and did not accompany him any longer.
So Jesus said to the twelve, "You don't want to go away too, do you?"
Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words of eternal life.


Thanks for caring and praying,
Howard & Ann

Six Rounds and Still Standing (1/1/2007)

Hello to All,

In the big picture Ann's toleration of the chemo continues to be remarkable. Again, the doctor was very encouraging in her assessment. The current plan is to attempt the eight round maximum. Our gratitude for your prayers is beyond words.

The recovery period between Rounds 5 & 6 went relatively well. The extra week off helped Ann to regain some semblance of feeling "normal".

Yet, the time was not without a few set backs. Ann developed shingles about mid way through this recovery period. Fortunately, we noticed it early and Ann was able to take an effective prescription. The pain was only difficult for a few days.

Ann again needed a platelet and blood transfusion to sustain her between the rounds. When Ann received her first transfusion a few months ago, she was disappointed. She felt as though she had somehow failed because her body needed extra help to recover from the chemo. However, after enjoying the resulting infusion of strength and energy, she now views the transfusions as a gift from God, as a source of new life not an indication of failure. We are grateful to someone somewhere who willingly gave his/her blood to sustain Ann in this struggle. We are reminded of Jesus Christ who willingly shed his blood to purchase what we could not - forgiveness of sin and life after death.

1 Peter 1:18-19:
You know that from your empty way of life inherited from your ancestors you were ransomed--
not by perishable things like silver or gold,
but by precious blood like that of an unblemished and spotless lamb, namely Christ.


Leaving the kids and I the day after Christmas to return to Houston was especially difficult for Ann. Laurie accompanied Ann at the hospital for a few days, then Sue took a turn. I flew to Houston for the last few days. Ann and I drove back to Dallas last evening and arrived in time to celebrate New Year's Eve with the kids, indulging in our traditional chocolate fondue.

When we first went to M.D. Anderson in September and learned that the initial sojourn in Houston would be five weeks and every third week after that, we were frustrated, disappointed, and angered. If God were to take Ann's life early, why add to the pain by separating her from the kids for these extended periods. However, the separation has given Ann a new appreciation for Jesus Christ's 30 year sojourn in Israel. The Son of God willingly left his Father in heaven to live among men. He was born in a manger so he could die on a cross. He was separated from His Father when he took our sins that we might be restored to the Father when we trust in him.

John 1:14, 3:16:
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.
We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only,
who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,
that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Prayer Requests:

• That we can maintain our trust in God's character and hope in his deliverance. At times it is really tough.
• That the tests on January 18th will show that the chemo is continuing to kill the cancer. (To be honest, we are hoping that the cancer is no longer visible.)
• That God would heal Ann in his time and way so that she can know our Grandchildren.
  

We pray that God will give you a new appreciation for the depth of his love as demonstrated by the death of his Son.

We love and appreciate you all.
Howard & Ann