Remarkably, Ann went 8 for 8 with this new chemo regime. Ann's body sufficiently rebounded after each treatment so that she could receive Taxol eight Thursdays in a row. Not bad for someone who has been on chemo for 19 months. Our oncologist in Houston half expected that the schedule would slip to ten days, or even to two weeks, because Ann's body would wear down. We are once again grateful that God has graciously sustained Ann, rebuilding her body so that she can remain in her toxic lifeboat. Our only hope of halting the growth of the tumors – from a medical standpoint – is Ann's ability to regularly take chemotherapy.
Matt had strep throat over Spring Break. This is potentially dangerous because Ann’s immune system is beat down by the chemo. Even a fever of 100.5 is considered a medical emergency. However, once again God has graciously protected Ann from getting sick. In fact her only illness in the last 19 months has been one cold.
Ann is wearing down physically. She hung out with Hannah Saturday afternoon, shopping and running errands. She crashed for a couple hours after coming home. On Sunday we celebrated the resurrection by going to church and eating Easter dinner at a friend's house. She crashed for several hours after coming home. The pain is more constant and has grown in intensity. It woke Ann up a couple of times last night. Morphine tablets provide daily relief.
We are both worn out emotionally and spiritually. We are tired of the battle, but thankful that we are still in the fight.
We were refreshed by an opportunity to share our testimony at a neighbor's Bible study last Thursday evening. The group's agreement with our requests (Matt 18:19) and their heartfelt prayers were tremendously encouraging. We enjoy sharing lessons we've learned in this storm, because we don't want this trial to be in vain.
We travel to Houston tomorrow evening for scans on Thursday. We then meet with the oncologist at 8:30 Friday morning. We’ll find out if the Taxol has been effective at slowing or even halting the growth of the tumors. We’ll find out if the pain is being caused by the chemo or the cancer. I'm probably more apprehensive about this appointment than any previous one. If the Taxol isn’t working, what’s Plan D? Our only hope of halting the growth of the tumors – from a medical standpoint – is the doctor’s ability to repeatedly find an effective chemo.
Caught on Tape
The book that has impacted me the most in the last two years is Out of the Silence by Duane Miller. It is the amazing and brutally honest story of a pastor from near Houston who lost his voice due to a virus that settled in his vocal cords in 1990. He was forced to leave the pastorate because a raspy whisper was all he could generate when he shouted with all his strength. Specialists from around the world concluded that he would completely loose his all ability to speak in about two years.
After a period of time, he returned to his home church in Houston and began to teach a Sunday School class with the help of a super-sensitive microphone. One Sunday morning in 1993, while teaching on Psalm 103, God instantly and completely restored his voice. Specialists who examined him afterwards concluded that his vocal cords were like new. He could literally sing higher notes after the healing than before he lost his voice.
A cool thing about this incident is that it was caught on tape. All classes were recorded each week and this week was no exception. You can literally hear his voice going from raspy whisper to normal in a matter of seconds. You can hear the class begin to weep as they realize what had happened. You can hear Duane become at a loss for words after finally being able to speak. A recording comes with the book (http://www.nuvoice.org/). I talked with Duane on the phone several months ago. He is a real person and he still has his voice.
The coolest thing about this event is what happened afterward. Duane began sharing his story around the country, using his physical healing as a “living parable of God’s desire to forgive, to remove of scar tissue of sin and self and remake us into entirely new beings.” Just as Duane’s damaged vocal cords were made completely new, so also we are made new when we trust Christ – no matter how ruined or broken we are. He writes, “What better picture of a spiritual restoration can there be than to enact a physical healing?”
The recording of his healing, not only made it to the James Dobson radio program, but it also found its way to Asia. A Vietnamese pastor, who used the tape as an evangelistic tool, reported to Duane, “They can’t understand what you’re saying, of course, but when your voice changes, they always cry, always cry. Then they ask, ‘Why? How? What happened to this man? And the worker shares Jesus with them… You have no idea how many people in Vietnam have come to Christ because of you.”
The Reality of the Resurrection
I began to pray about what illustration I might use if God graciously chose to heal Ann. A parable of forgiveness is awesome, but it’s not our story. Our story is hopelessness and death. Splenic angiosarcoma is rare, aggressive and incurable. The median survival rate is listed as six months. The five year survival rate is less than twenty percent. One journal article concludes, “Primary splenic angiosarcoma is an extremely aggressive neoplasm that is almost universally fatal.”
I probably shouldn’t have googled angiosarcoma this evening, but I wanted to validate some facts. I’m hesitant to even put the last paragraph in writing because it is so overwhelming. Those facts taunt me. The reminder of our reality, that medical science offers us only hopelessness and death, is suffocating.
Ironically, it is precisely because we have no hope that we have hope (Rom 4:18). Since we are unable to trust in doctors or chemo, we have been forced to trust in God alone. Our only hope is in God, the “God of the 10%,” the God who raises the dead. We do have hope, because the tomb was empty. Jesus Christ is the resurrection and the life (John 11:25).
Our desire and prayer is that God would deliver Ann from this hopelessness and death in order to demonstrate the reality of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. If Ann is physically healed, our message will be, "We know that God raises the dead, because he delivered Ann from the grip of death." God did what science could not. Nothing is impossible for God. Truly, our story is one of hope and life in the face of cancer and despair.
I believe that the need for this message was confirmed a few days later when I received an email from a friend who works for the Josh McDowell Ministries. He stated that 51% of the "born-again" teenagers in North American were uncertain that Jesus Christ had risen from the dead. Perhaps God will physically heal Ann so that we can proclaim the reality of the resurrection to a generation that needs to know.
The Reality of the Resurrection
- John 11:25-26. Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?"
- Matt 28:5-7. The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead…"
- 1 Cor 15:13-14, 17. If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith… And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins.
Prayer Requests:
- That we can trust in God’s character before and after Friday’s appointment, and that the scans would show that the cancer is once again stable.
- That God would continue to sustain us physically, emotionally and spiritually.
- That God would physically heal Ann so that she can teach our kids and grandkids that "there is nothing our God cannot do."
- That God would demonstrate the reality of the resurrection by delivering Ann from the grip of death.
Love,
Howard & Ann
