Hello to All,
Circumstances have been relatively encouraging over the last five weeks. The insurance company agreed to pay for the Taxol after some gymnastics by our oncologist. Ann is “6 for 6” with her weekly treatments, even though her blood counts were borderline prior to the third treatment. Ann’s body continues to rebound remarkably well from each toxic infusion. Obviously, from a medical standpoint, Ann’s ability to receive the chemo is a key factor in keeping the tumors from growing.
Ann and I enjoyed a brief getaway in Granbury, Texas to celebrate Valentine’s Day. It was refreshing to get out of the city and relax at a cozy bed and breakfast. We talked, prayed, and just hung out. A highlight was watching a couple of on-line sessions from Beth Moore’s Explosion of Faith study. We felt encouraged to stay the course, to continue to trust God for deliverance from our hopeless situation. We would rather “err on the side of faith” and keep on trusting that nothing is impossible for God.
The last six weeks have not been without discouragement. My low point was one Sunday afternoon when Ann vomited a number of times. Was this what we should now expect each week? Fortunately, my fear was likely unfounded. Looking back, we think Ann was sick because she took a pain pill on an empty stomach. Ann’s hair, which had begun to re-grow nicely, is nearly gone again. Ann has more pain – not sharp but constant. Is it the chemo? Is it the cancer? We will know in part when we return to Houston at the end of the month.
An Invitation?
When I first learned that Ann had incurable cancer, I assumed that God would ask us to trust and honor him through Ann’s death. The following experiences, which occurred in about the first month after her surgery, caused me to reconsider that assumption. I write this to remind myself and to perhaps encourage you.
Three Useless Gestures:
- DeeDee. After Ann's surgery (7/26/2006), the pathologist was 90% certain that Ann had Stage IV Melanoma. DeeDee, our oncology nurse, prayed to the "God of the 10%" that this preliminary diagnosis would be incorrect. I appreciated her gesture, but knew her prayer wouldn't be answered.
- Dave. Over a coke at Chili’s, Dave reluctantly confirmed the statistics that I already knew – Ann probably had about eight months to live. He then challenged me to maintain hope with the gesture, "You know, Howard, God could heal her." I tersely replied, "He could. But he won't."
- Sergio. We called for the elders of our church, according to James 5:14-16, to pray for Ann at our home Bible study group. Sergio, one of the elders, challenged the group to believe God for healing, not just pray for it. He said something like, "Maybe God wants to show his glory in this impossible situation." I thanked Sergio for his gesture, but knew in my heart that it was pointless.
Three Acts of Deliverance:
- Ten Percent. When we met with the oncologist in Dallas six days after Ann's surgery, he shocked us with the question, "What are your symptoms?" Basically, the pathologist had been unable to determine the type of cancer that had engulfed Ann's spleen. He only knew that it definitely was not Melanoma. It would be impossible to overstate the impact of this act of deliverance. The cloud of despondency and hopelessness was lifted as I realized that God had indeed answered DeeDee's impossible prayer.
- Nineteen Days. We immediately contacted M.D. Anderson in Houston to get a second opinion. However, the earliest we could get an appointment was over thirty days out. This was after waiting for nine days after surgery to receive a diagnosis; this was after waiting for three months after the initial doctor's appointment to have surgery. I felt that God had abandoned us and I had nowhere to turn. In the meantime a nurse in Houston, who was a friend of a friend, made a number of phone calls and somewhat mysteriously obtained the phone number for the office of hospital's president. Quite out of character I called the number and asked if anything could be done. Our appointment was moved up nineteen days. It would also be impossible to overestimate the significance of this act. I learned that God had not abandoned us, but was working behind the scenes on our behalf, working when I was unable to do anything, working when I had given up. Sue and her husband Bill became our hosts and our refuge in Houston.
- A Slain Giant. Some friends told us a pastor of a nearby church who had been healed of cancer. We called them and went to their house to hear their story firsthand (www.fbcwr.org). Joe had fought Stage IV Melanoma for over a year. The cancer had engulfed his body and had spread to several of his organs. At one point the doctors literally gave him days to live. He prepared his funeral, but his wife Terri kept praying, trusting God to deliver and clinging to his word. God used a new, shape-beamed radiation treatment to kill his cancer, a treatment that has not worked with other Melanoma patients. Joe has now been cancer-free since August 2004. Again, it would be impossible to overemphasize the magnitude of this act on my journey. God had delivered someone from my most-feared giant and that person lived nearby. We attended a healing service where Joe and the elders prayed for Ann’s physical healing. We have been able to talk and pray with Joe and Terri several times over the last eighteen months. They understand, probably like no other, what we are going through and what we are trying to do. Terri’s tenacious persistence in prayer and faith is my model.
Three Prayers: - Ann. After the initial shock of the diagnosis subsided, Ann was been burdened with a consistent, intense desire to live. Are these selfish requests? Ann wants to raise our kids, teach our grandkids that all things are possible with God, and to partner with me in a teaching ministry, hopefully in Asia. The impact of repeatedly seeing Ann weeping on the floor of our bedroom, pleading with God for her life was staggering. Was it possible that this “desire of her heart” was placed there by her Father so that he could demonstrate his power? It was for Hannah, Samuel’s mom. Through Ann I’ve seen firsthand the type of prayer that Hannah prayed (1 Samuel, chapter 1).
- Spontaneous prayer. As news of Ann’s diagnosis spread, we received word from family, friends and those we didn't even know that they were passionately praying for us. I took notice when we received an email from a friend who said her sister in Idaho who was praying for us. Later, a friend wrote that he was praying more for Ann than he was his own kids. A cousin told us that he was praying harder for Ann than he ever had anyone else. Perhaps God was up to something. Perhaps the Holy Spirit was motivating believers to pray so that he could heal Ann. At last count people from 30 states and 13 countries were praying for Ann.
- Charles. After Ann’s surgery, our pastor from back in Iowa drove most of the night to accompany us to Ann’s first appointment with the oncologist. He was there when we learned that the diagnosis was not Melanoma. From the beginning Charles felt that God not only could heal Ann, but that he would. He would never claim to be a prophet. He just thinks that God wants to deliver Ann in our specific situation. He and the elders publically prayed for her physically healing last summer when we were home. The church has held numerous times of prayer for Ann over the last twenty months. All of this is especially meaningful because Charles studied at the same conservative seminary that I did, and he has preached enough funerals in his thirty-plus years of ministry to be a realist. He’s not blowing smoke just to make me feel better.
Three Questions:
I believe that God used the nine experiences just described to challenge me to ask these three questions:
- Was it possible that God was inviting us to trust him for deliverance from death rather than to honor him through Ann’s death? In other words, how did I know that it was God’s will for Ann to die from cancer at this time?
- Was it even permissible for me to ask God to heal Ann? In other words, does God still physically heal today? Specifically, does he heal in response to prayer?
- If God was extending an invitation for healing, what was my responsibility? In other words, what would it look like, if I were to trust God to completely heal Ann?
My priority over the last twenty months has been to find answers to these questions. I’ve learned a lot and have much to learn. If God delivers Ann and grants me the privilege of pursuing a PhD, then I plan to write my dissertation on biblical healing.
Prayer Requests:
- That Ann’s body will continue to rebound so she can receive the next two chemo treatments, making her “8 for 8.”
- That the scans on the 28th will indicate that the Taxol has stopped the growth of the tumors. We meet with the oncologist in Houston at 8:30 am on Friday, March 29th.
- That God would physically heal Ann so that she can teach our kids and grandkids that "there is nothing our God cannot do."
- That God would demonstrate the reality of the resurrection by delivering Ann from the grip of death.
Psalm 103:2-6:
Praise the LORD, O my soul!
Do not forget all his kind deeds!
He is the one
who forgives all your sins,
who heals all your diseases,
who delivers your life from the Pit,
who crowns you with his loyal love and compassion,
who satisfies your life with good things,
so your youth is renewed like an eagle's.
Thanks for praying and caring for us.
Love,
Howard & Ann
