Not by Might (8/19/2007)

Hello to All,

We celebrated our twenty second anniversary this weekend. We kind of had a get-a-way without having to leave home. Matt and Hannah have been with my sister's family in Indiana for the week. Drew was busy with the youth group and work. Paul returned to John Brown University in Arkansas Saturday morning. It was great for Ann and me to just hang out together for the weekend. Cancer can make you appreciate what you do have.

Last year we were engulfed in uncertainty on our anniversary. We had received our diagnosis from the doctors in Dallas, but hadn't had our first appointment at MD Anderson in Houston. We didn't know what chemo regimen we would face; we didn't know what the chemo would do to Ann's body; we didn't know if the chemo would even be effective against the cancer. I hadn't sent out my first email update; I didn't even know if it was OK for me to pray for Ann's physical healing. We didn't know how far the cancer had spread; we didn't even know if Ann would make it to Twenty-two.

Thank you for carrying us in prayer this last year. I believe that we had the physical and emotional strength to endure because of prayer. I believe that we were able to ask tough questions without chucking our faith because of prayer. I believe that the chemo effectively held the cancer in check because of prayer; I believe that Ann's body held up against the toxicity of the chemo because of prayer. I believe that Ann is alive today because of prayer. Thank you and praise God.

Dave and Joan came over last Saturday evening to pray for my sermon. Jim and Laurie sent a text message saying that they were praying. Alan prayed with me before the service. Many of you prayed. It's not that I was nervous. I had taught a form of this message two other times. I had adequately prepared. I would be preaching to our home church. I would be cheered on by many of the families in our home Bible study group.

I just didn't know if I'd have the composure to make it through the message. I broke down numerous times Saturday morning while at Panera Bread putting the finishing touches on my manuscript. I wept several times early Sunday morning as I ran through my delivery. I cried as Alan and the worship team led the congregation in many of the songs that had ministered to us over the last year. Sometimes I found myself grasping for breath in order to hold back the sobbing.

I wondered how in the world I would get through the sermon. As the congregation sang I thought to myself, "Maybe I won't make it. The grief may become so great that I won't have the composure to continue. If so, I could just quit. Everyone would understand…"

I was then hit by the irony of my thinking. You see, my sermon's big idea was to "Keep the Christian Faith. Never quit!"

Pastor Rick sensed my predicament and the Holy Spirit, so just before I went up to preach he put his arm around my shoulder and prayed that God would speak his word through me. As I walked to the podium I knew that God would answer his prayer.

I never lost my composure during the sermon, though I did get choked up numerous times. Surprisingly, I was able to finish each sentence. This was the first time in my ministry that I was more pleased with my verbal delivery than my written notes.

I had gone for a walk that morning to pray for my sermon. The heart of my prayer was that I just wanted the Lord to be pleased with what I said, even if I looked like a fool while saying it. Pastor Rick closed the service in prayer with the words, "Lord, we know you were pleased this morning..." I knew then that God had answered my prayer.

Ezekiel 4:6
'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty.

Prayer Requests:

• That Ann can maintain hope in spite of bad news. Ann cratered emotionally today when we learned that another friend has cancer.
• That the logistics would fall in place so that I can attend my grandmother's funeral in Iowa this week (perhaps on Wednesday).
• That the scans (Thursday) and the doctor's appointment (Friday) would confirm that the chemo is killing the tumors.
• That God would heal Ann in his time and way so that we can worship him with our all of grandkids someday in Rocky Mountain National Park.

Thanks for praying and carrying us.

Love,
Howard & Ann