Hello to All,
Ann's blood counts were down when we met with our oncologist in Houston on August 24th. She expected Round 5 to be delayed for at least a few days so that Ann's body could adequately rebound from the previous treatment.
We met with the monitoring hematologist here in Dallas four days later. He informed us that Ann's counts were completely normal. He then quizzed Ann about various side effects. After he learned that Ann hadn't had any fevers, chills, or nausea, he exclaimed, "Well, boring is good."
We continue to be amazed at how God has protected and sustained Ann through a year of chemo. Ann's first treatment began last year on September 7th.
We have wrestled with a number of doubts about God since Ann was diagnosed with incurable cancer on July 28, 2006. Looking back it seems that one or both of us have progressed though these five questions:
1. Why did God allow this? If God really has all power and knows the future, why didn't he prevent the cancer from invading Ann's spleen, liver and bones?
2. What if there is no God? Does God really exist or did we create him to pacify us in difficult times?
3. What good is prayer? Does prayer really make a difference? Why are so many prayers unanswered?
4. What if God's Word is not true? Can we trust promises for eternal life if we don't experience promises for answered prayer or physical deliverance? Does God really keep his promises?
5. Who is God? Is he really good? Can I trust him?
Answering one question often opened the door to the next. I've shared some thoughts on the first four questions in previous emails. I thought that I had dealt with the fifth one when I was laid off after 9/11. I questioned God's goodness as I looked for work in a depressed economy and had to drop out of seminary. I remember being unable to sing worship choruses in church one Sunday morning because the words seemed so untrue. Eventually, however, I concluded that God was good in spite of my painful circumstances.
It seems that my conclusion was not as firm as I had thought. By questioning if God really keeps his promises, I was really asking a more fundamental question, "Is God trustworthy?"
One Sunday evening near Houston, my friend Bill gently corrected me by confidently stating – on the basis of God's character – that God would never deceive me. One morning next to the Big Thompson River in Estes Park, the Lord's reprimand to Job reprimanded me:
Job 40:7-8:
"Brace yourself like a man.
I will question you, and you shall answer me.
Would you discredit my justice?
Would you condemn me to justify yourself?"
Like Job, all I could do was repent.
To remind myself of God's character I dusted off a seminary assignment entitled God is Mystery and re-read it several times. I've attached a version (without all the footnotes) with the hope that it will encourage some of you as well.
Ann and I also found the old study Experiencing God's Attributes out in the garage, which she completed before we were married. We plan to work through this together over the coming months to remind us of who God is.
Prayer Requests:
- That the "Mack Truck" side effect would again pass Ann by this week.
- That we would find rest in the character of God as we study his attributes in the coming weeks.
- That God would physically heal Ann in his time and way so that our grandkids will know her love and faith.
- That God would demonstrate the reality of the resurrection from the dead by delivering Ann from the grip of death.
Thanks for praying and caring.
Love,
Howard & Ann
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