Hello to All,
Ann continues to rebound from Round 3. Her energy is improving, which helps her emotions some days. Her liver area usually hurts, not excruciatingly, but it's not comfortable. Is the cancer destroying her liver or is the chemo killing the cancer? We find that "waiting upon the Lord" and "being anxious for nothing" is not as easy as it sounds.
We are now focusing on preparing for our annual trek to Rocky Mountain National Park; we leave on Friday, July 27th. Hiking to a lake or peak is always a reminder of the greatness, majesty and power of God. The enormity and the ruggedness of the mountains – above or below – often overwhelms us. Sometimes it frightens us. If I truly believed the stories in the Bible, wouldn't I be overwhelmed and sometimes frightened by God the Father (Ex. 19:10-25)? By the Lord Jesus Christ (Rev. 19:11-21)? By the Holy Spirit (Acts 5:1-11)? I fear that the image of God that I worship has been too small.
It's been a year since the surgeon removed Ann's spleen in order to diagnose why it had been enlarged for several months. A trip down memory lane might be therapeutic for me and perhaps encouraging for you.
Thursday Afternoon (7/27)
The surgical waiting room looked like a bit like church potluck, save the food. Many of our friends congregated to support us and an energetic bunch from the youth group were there to encourage our kids. I'm so thankful that we had chosen to invest in relationships, even while in seminary. We wouldn't have made it thus far otherwise.
We were hoping and praying that the enlarged spleen had been caused by some type of infection. Leukemia and lymphoma had already been ruled out. When the surgeon finally completed his task, he came into the waiting room and informed me that the spleen was definitely filled with cancer. A preliminary diagnosis would come in the morning.
Friday Morning (7/28)
The oncologist and his nurse DeeDee came into our room to inform us of the preliminary findings. He professionally reported that that the pathologist was 90% certain that Ann had Stage IV Melanoma. It had already spread to at least the liver and probably the lungs. I didn't know much about cancer, but knew from a coworker that melanoma was extremely serious.
DeeDee sensed both our shock and the Holy Spirit, so she stayed behind to pray for us. She said, "God is the God of the 10%" and that he overrides statistics. She then confidently prayed for God to do just that. What an amazing act of faith for a nurse who faces the realities of cancer every day.
I appreciated DeeDee's gesture but knew that God wouldn't answer her prayer.
Friday Afternoon (7/28)
I called some family and friends with the news… If you've made such calls, then no elaboration is necessary.
Ann's mom and brother stayed with Ann for a bit while I went home to tell the kids. How do I tell them the truth without erasing all hope? How do I encourage hope without giving them false hopes? This was the toughest thing I've ever had to do.
Monday Evening (7/31)
I went for a coke at Chili's with my friend Dave because I wanted to know what I was up against at tomorrow's appointment. I forced Dave to confirm the statistics that I already knew. Ann probably had about eight months to live.
Dave attempted to give me some hope with the gesture, "You know, Howard, God could heal her." I recall looking him in the eye and sharply responding, "He could. But he won't."
Tuesday Morning (8/1)
Dave and Joan, Jim and Laurie, Pastor Charles from Iowa, Ann's mom, and the kids gathered with Ann and I before the dreaded appointment, in which we would learn the diagnosis and prognosis. I read three paragraphs from the Psalms (Ps 33:16-22; 55:1-8; and 57:1-8) to the group and several prayed. As I walked to the cars waiting out front, I realized that I had just conducted Ann's funeral.
When we finally saw the oncologist, primed with notepad and digital recorder, we were shocked when he questioned, "What are your symptoms?" Basically, the pathologist had been unable to determine the type of cancer that had engulfed Ann's spleen. But it was definitely not melanoma.
Hebrews 11:17-19:
By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, even though God had said to him, "It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned." Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death.
Could the God who raised Long's Peak really raise Ann from incurable cancer? Is my image of God big enough to believe that he would?
Prayer Requests:
- That God would use my sermon (August 12th) in our church in Dallas (www.nhbc.net) to encourage those who are struggling to persevere.
- That God would overwhelm us with his greatness and power, his ruggedness and holiness, his compassion and intimacy, as we worship him while hiking.
- That God would enable Ann to make it to Dream Lake, where we always take a family picture.
- That God would heal Ann in his time and way so that we can worship him with our all of grandkids someday on the rocky shores of Dream Lake.
Thanks for praying and caring.
Love,
Howard & Ann
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